I’ve been noticing an intriguing phenomenon with my individual clients as well as with my groups who are going through various phases of divorce. When I encourage participants to identify positive traits that they possess, the activity initially feels very uncomfortable, difficult, and sometimes almost impossible.
However, there is an amazing shift that clients experience when they are gently encouraged to rise to the challenge of the task. Once they actually name the traits out loud, or write them down, the energy shift within them is consistently palpable. Their facial expressions transform from pained and doubtful to flushed and enthusiastic. Suddenly, there is a little smile developing, rosiness in the cheeks, a sparkle in the eyes. Then, the voice tone changes from forlorn to animated, and the conversation begins to explode. It’s almost as if they are beginning to fall for someone – except that someone is actually themself! Witnessing the beginning of that transformation is why I absolutely love what I do.
The process deepens over time as we discuss their positive traits in greater detail and as they fulfill their coaching goals of continually adding new characteristics to the list as they are discovered. As they review the list regularly, they often begin to walk the world with a more positive self-concept and a greater appreciation of their own self-worth.
Want some of this love potion? Here’s how to begin:
1. This week, compose a list of at least 6 positive traits that describe you. These traits can be profound or silly and anything in between. For example, I am honest, I have a great smile, and I make a great omelet. Feel free to exceed 6 traits by as many as you desire.
2. Over the course of the week, add at least 1 trait per day to your list, so that you have compiled a list of a minimum of 12 traits by the end of 7 days.
3. Keep the list accessible and easily visible, for example, on the nightstand next to your bed. There is tremendous power in the written word.
4. Reread your list frequently, preferably nightly, and definitely before dates or singles events. Read it aloud in front of the mirror. Share it with your Life Coach.
5. As time goes on, continue adding traits to your list as they come to you, at least one per week, so that your list grows on with no limits.
6. Reflect upon how you feel during every step of this exercise. Are you experiencing a bit of a love rush? If not, rinse and repeat. If so, go out and show it off.
When we identify positive traits within ourselves, we promote self-love. We begin to know our worth better than we did before, so we make wiser choices of potential partners. We exude greater confidence than we ever did, and this draws dates to us like bees to honey. Confidence is an aphrodisiac, now go out there and cultivate more of it with your list – starting today!
Please feel free to share your lists with me via email, I’d love to read them, and to watch you fall in love with yourself and beyond…